Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
