I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize