Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
