Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
