I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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