his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
