So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
