i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
