If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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