i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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