I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
