Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
