I will die if light touches me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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