I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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