Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
