I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
