Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
