"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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