when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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