dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
