Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
