How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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