Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
