Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
