Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i need some magic done to my vagina
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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