If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
