therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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