i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bring me that man meat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
