alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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