I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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