Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She bit a glass in half.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
