So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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