dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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