Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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