So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Damn victory sex feels great
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
