don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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