How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
