Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i now understand why vodka
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
