Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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