I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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