And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
