Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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