were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
