so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
