Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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