I just cut my nipple shaving
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
