I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
