so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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