I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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