I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize