Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
