I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
