I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
someone threw a dead crab at me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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