please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
