i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
