Got a toothbrush?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
