she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
