idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
