Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
