dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
