TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize