If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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