Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
