what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
