Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She bit a glass in half.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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