There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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