As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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