So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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